During the initial years together, we tried our best to spark romance in long distance relationship as much as we can. From there, we both could say it wasn’t easy. In fact, it was the most difficult.
It entailed a lot of effort from the two of us to make everything work smoothly without compromising the fundamentals of our relationship. You know we’re just 10,311 km apart from each other. From Philippines to Germany. It’s not that far.
Writing this post forced me to rethink of the things we have done with each other so not to lose that spark between us for 42 months. And by doing that made me smile. *blushes*
I couldn’t say our relationship is perfect and I knew it wouldn’t be. It would be too boring if we are too perfect for each other. Although I honestly don’t have complaints of his behavior. It’s the same thing with him as well. We found compatibility with our differences.
Given these things, I wouldn’t tell you only the pros of this LDR. My personal goal of this post is to give you the exact ideas of how the long distance romance really works. With that said, I am giving you precautions before we delve to the “spark” you like to know.
Precautions of romance in long distance relationship
1. You will never know the person wholly if you don’t meet personal.
In long distance relationship, you only the person on how you see him on the screen. So, you really need to meet in person to know him or her best.
Engaging in a long distance relationship is a big risk, I should say. Because you wouldn’t know the person you choose to spend with if he or she consciously doesn’t show you their true behaviors to impress you.
Albeit it’s like that, I felt glad that my bae does act like how he has presented himself all those years. I asked him the same question and he answered the same. We still acted like how we did on Skype.
We still laugh together with some stupid jokes, gossip together, and share bad times. He still does mothering me (he’s best at that), comforting me whenever I am down. We’re still the same since our first year in general even in personally.
2. You need to double the commitment needed to make this work.
The big problem we had all the time was finances. It always revolved around money. To manage the amount of money needed to process everything—plane ticket, visa, marriage papers, etc. He has to work more, doing even the oddest jobs to earn money. There were times when his health was at the toll to make everything possible.
In my part entailed more courage to face criticisms from people and fought for our relationship from people who don’t believe. It was too painful to receive all those comments even from my inner social circle for almost four years.
The biggest thing I compromised was my teaching career (anyway I wasn’t really passionate about). I worked so hard to earn my license, staking my health. But to make this relationship work, I had to do it. I had to stay at home, remained in contact with him and even changed my career.
If you’re going to ask me if I regretted my decision, no. It was life-changing instead. My almost four-year stay at home, I discovered more of my abilities after when I chose this path right now. I learned my new passion—online publishing, online news writing, blogging, and handmade business with my chosen craft, notebooks.
3. You need to accept everything is virtual before meeting the person you fell in love with.
Like I have pointed out before, knowing the person in a long distance relationship requires a big risk. You wouldn’t know how the person acts off-cam. From how he walks, eats, and communicates with other people. These itty-bitty things will not be shown to you unless if you meet him or her in person.
In this type of romance, you need to adjust the limitations. You need to accept that your emotional bond and foundation of your relationship start virtually. There’s no other way unless if one of you takes a big leap of faith and fly across the world to each other.
Marianna Glynska from HuffPost wrote that one of the biggest cons of LDR is your inability to spend time anytime and anywhere you want. You can’t even ask your online lover for a weekend treat like watching movies or simply have a romantic dinner in a nearby restaurant.
4. Make sure you solve arguments before you log off.
Because you’re only communicating online, chances of solving a certain disagreement will be lesser than doing it personally. This is because you can’t really hug or you can’t make him or feel your sincere “sorry” if you ever hurt your partner.
It happened to us many times and we could say we couldn’t control things online. There were instances we disagree about something or say things hurting the other. Cultural differences i.e. beliefs usually contradict. But we always make sure we resolve it before one of us logs off. It should be settled as soon as possible, avoiding more dramas.
I don’t know how other LDR couples handle this so I really don’t want to generalize just because. But I do think the way a couple manages arguments is similar to doing it in person. Like the others, one of the partners should learn to compromise for the other and vice versa.
As my bae, Egon, always says, “Communication is the key to a successful relationship. It doesn’t matter if it’s long distance relationship or not.”
How to spark romance in long distance relationship with your bae?
I will share simple tips for you, however, they’re not easy to do. Like I have said before, it entails a lot of work from both of you. You need to do extra effort to survive this kind of romance you’re in.
1. Spend time together with a certain schedule.
Unlike other relationships, you can’t simply go online and assume your lover is there, too. Before you do, you need to make sure both of you have agreed a certain time either morning or afternoon when you can chat.
We usually do it every 6 in the morning Philippine time and 11 in the evening German time. There were also times we don’t follow this because of special conditions. However, we usually talk during these hours.
2. Talk about everything you like to talk about. Everything.
This is what he hates actually… to hide secrets. He doesn’t want me to keep something from him and vice versa. I don’t want him to keep secrets from me as well. It’s fair.
When you say talk about everything you like to discuss with your online lover, you define it as the only way for both of you to know each other better. Like I said, there’s no other way for you guys to maintain that spark in your relationship but communicate more often and more open.
All through the years, we’ve talked a bunch of things. From German to Philippine politics, history, games, work, and even comedies and a lot of stupid videos and sharing culture since 2014. Having been in a long distance relationship for a very long time doesn’t make me feel boring actually. It was fun indeed.
If you finally meet each other in person, this is the best thing you should do to keep that spark alive. You know, when you engage in long distance relationship like we do, traveling seemed to be a dream for both of us. There was no chance for us to do except daydreaming.
Jelena Jovanovic of All Women’s Talk mentioned that nothing can replace physical experience with each other. Not even the advanced and updated Skype can make it. While your partner is there physically, you should make sure you spend more time together and get to know more of each other until the time comes he or she has to return to their homeland. This sucks.
It is only this year we finally manage to travel together in different places in Cebu. That was just a beginning of our grand plan if finances allow us to do them. To see a whole lot of photos with our tour in Cebu City, I’ll write another post with a gallery of photos you should see.
In just 2 days and 2 nights trip, we were able to see a lot of places around. We both found ourselves in awe of the beautiful scenery of the region in a small span of time. With that said, I’ll share a complete detail of our tour in the next post. Stay tuned.
In general, sparking romance in long distance relationship doesn’t have to be really complicated and extra special all the time. By simply sitting there in front of your screen, you can create memorable things together online. You just have to be open and vulnerable with it. Accept its limitations and its reality.
Note: Long distance relationship will always have to be that way. Yet, it’s up to you if you want to take a leap of faith and make things real.